I'm Gonna Forgive and You Can't Stop Me!
I’m Gonna Forgive and You Can’t Stop Me!
As a young girl, I endured years of sexual abuse at the hands of a man whom I should have expected to protect me. It was swept under the rug. No charges were ever filed, nor was I ever taken to counseling. No one defended me. Because of this, I saw myself as unlovable, unwanted, unworthy and of no value. This led to some not-so-good decisions in a season of my life filled with confusion, hurt and no self-worth. The spirit of rejection reigned supreme in my life. It affected intimacy with my husband in the early years of our marriage. After attempting counseling, I left my one and only session with the resolve to never return. Because my perpetrator was a family member, I would have to see him at many gatherings. The rage that stirred inside me, along with the physical sickness I felt in the pit of my stomach made it very difficult to enjoy, adding insult to injury. I spent years unwilling to forgive. No one had held him account so in my mind it was up to me. I thought my unforgiveness kept him on the hook.
In 1998, my family joined a church where they offered in-depth Bible study. It was the power of God’s word that began to change my heart and heal my pain. In 2001, while in a fasting period, I laid my excessively heavy load of anger, rage, bitterness and hurt down at the feet of Jesus. For several more years, I would still experience the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and it would cause me to question, but I knew I had forgiven him. Then…the day came when my healing was evident while attending a family birthday party. Unexpectedly, I had to face him. I recognized it right away! No sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, no rage or resentment. I was healed! Not only was it evident to me, but to those who knew about it around me. Two people even mentioned it to me. At that point, my prayer was for the Lord to give me a “death-bed” experience with him. I wanted him to know before he died that I had truly forgiven him. You see, once you truly forgive, you no longer want them on the hook. In March, 2014, God would say “yes” to that prayer. Literally on his deathbed, I had the sweetest conversation with him. He had requested I sing at his funeral. We sang old gospels songs together, trying to settle on a couple of his favorites. Every time I would start to speak the Holy Spirit would whisper, “Don’t bring it up.” I began to wonder if I was going to get to share with him what I had come to say! Then, without expectation, I received a priceless gift I never saw coming…an apology. I was free to say, “I hope you know I forgave you a long time ago.” He said to me, “Oh… I know you have.” Two days later, he passed away. I sang those old gospels songs with great joy because of what the Lord had done for me and in me.
In light of eternity, nothing matters except that you have done all that you can do to love and forgive. Even as traumatic and devastating as the abuse was, in the face of death, it didn’t matter. Let this set you free…an apology isn’t necessary in order to forgive. One’s decision to forgive or not to forgive has the power to draw others to the cross, or turn them away from it. God’s word says that in order to be forgiven, we must forgive (Matt. 6:15). If we show mercy, we will be shown mercy (Matt. 5:7). It is the same power through which Christ chose to beg His heavenly Father to forgive those mocking and murdering Him that we have within us, as believers, to forgive those who hurt us. And we will NEVER suffer more that Jesus did. Forgiveness equals Christ-likeness. Forgive.
Written by Angie Camp.
Angie was one of our keynote speakers for our 2018 conference. She is a mother, speaker, author, a worship leader, and Christian counselor. Angie is a life-long resident of North Mississippi. She has a background in church music and theater where she can use her gifts of screenplay writing, song selection, choral directions and dramatic arts.
Angie's Christian fiction novel based on true life events, Hells Bend: A Moment from Eternity, is being made into a movie.
You can follow Angie on her facebook page "More than restored Ministries or on Instagram @morethanrestoredministries
As a young girl, I endured years of sexual abuse at the hands of a man whom I should have expected to protect me. It was swept under the rug. No charges were ever filed, nor was I ever taken to counseling. No one defended me. Because of this, I saw myself as unlovable, unwanted, unworthy and of no value. This led to some not-so-good decisions in a season of my life filled with confusion, hurt and no self-worth. The spirit of rejection reigned supreme in my life. It affected intimacy with my husband in the early years of our marriage. After attempting counseling, I left my one and only session with the resolve to never return. Because my perpetrator was a family member, I would have to see him at many gatherings. The rage that stirred inside me, along with the physical sickness I felt in the pit of my stomach made it very difficult to enjoy, adding insult to injury. I spent years unwilling to forgive. No one had held him account so in my mind it was up to me. I thought my unforgiveness kept him on the hook.
In 1998, my family joined a church where they offered in-depth Bible study. It was the power of God’s word that began to change my heart and heal my pain. In 2001, while in a fasting period, I laid my excessively heavy load of anger, rage, bitterness and hurt down at the feet of Jesus. For several more years, I would still experience the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and it would cause me to question, but I knew I had forgiven him. Then…the day came when my healing was evident while attending a family birthday party. Unexpectedly, I had to face him. I recognized it right away! No sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, no rage or resentment. I was healed! Not only was it evident to me, but to those who knew about it around me. Two people even mentioned it to me. At that point, my prayer was for the Lord to give me a “death-bed” experience with him. I wanted him to know before he died that I had truly forgiven him. You see, once you truly forgive, you no longer want them on the hook. In March, 2014, God would say “yes” to that prayer. Literally on his deathbed, I had the sweetest conversation with him. He had requested I sing at his funeral. We sang old gospels songs together, trying to settle on a couple of his favorites. Every time I would start to speak the Holy Spirit would whisper, “Don’t bring it up.” I began to wonder if I was going to get to share with him what I had come to say! Then, without expectation, I received a priceless gift I never saw coming…an apology. I was free to say, “I hope you know I forgave you a long time ago.” He said to me, “Oh… I know you have.” Two days later, he passed away. I sang those old gospels songs with great joy because of what the Lord had done for me and in me.
In light of eternity, nothing matters except that you have done all that you can do to love and forgive. Even as traumatic and devastating as the abuse was, in the face of death, it didn’t matter. Let this set you free…an apology isn’t necessary in order to forgive. One’s decision to forgive or not to forgive has the power to draw others to the cross, or turn them away from it. God’s word says that in order to be forgiven, we must forgive (Matt. 6:15). If we show mercy, we will be shown mercy (Matt. 5:7). It is the same power through which Christ chose to beg His heavenly Father to forgive those mocking and murdering Him that we have within us, as believers, to forgive those who hurt us. And we will NEVER suffer more that Jesus did. Forgiveness equals Christ-likeness. Forgive.
Written by Angie Camp.
Angie was one of our keynote speakers for our 2018 conference. She is a mother, speaker, author, a worship leader, and Christian counselor. Angie is a life-long resident of North Mississippi. She has a background in church music and theater where she can use her gifts of screenplay writing, song selection, choral directions and dramatic arts.
Angie's Christian fiction novel based on true life events, Hells Bend: A Moment from Eternity, is being made into a movie.
You can follow Angie on her facebook page "More than restored Ministries or on Instagram @morethanrestoredministries
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